Are You Part of the Bully Solution?

The negative effects of bullying are well known: lowered self-esteem, reduced learning ability, anger, depression and, in extreme cases, suicide. Although these effects are widely recognized, many teachers and program leaders lack adequate skills for prevention.

We asked three experts for their advice on becoming part of the bully solution:

Don't be a bystander
According to Charles Daleo, Coordinator of the Safe Schools Unit for the San Diego Department of Education, the most significant way adults contribute to the bully problem is by doing nothing. This so-called ‘bystander phenomenon’ is especially damaging in the program environment, he adds, “because it sends a message to kids that bullying is OK.”  

Learn to intervene
“Victims often need someone to intervene to prevent or stop the bullying,” says Jane Harrison, Senior Program Manager for Educators for Social Responsibility. But use care, she cautions. “How you choose to intervene may make the situation better or worse.” While it is important to teach kids that bully behavior is not acceptable, it can be more effective to address the issue once all parties have cooled down.

“There might be a history that is more complicated than what’s happening in full view,” Harrison adds. Taking the bully aside for a private conversation, rather than publicly scolding him or her, may help you to understand the situation without escalating the conflict or embarrassing the victim.

Understand points of view
Jeffrey Leiken, professional counselor and founder of the Mentor Counseling Company, agrees. The simple recipe of punishment and consequences, he says, “rarely addresses the more complex issues at play.”

Depending on the situation, a child who bullies might be seeking respect, control or some other emotional response. By building strong relationships with kids, Leiken suggests, you can teach them how to get the attention they seek in a more positive way.

Manage your program
Behavior issues are directly related to program environments. “When kids feel safe and comfortable,” says Daleo, “they are less likely to engage in bullying.” Managing your program effectively, providing age-appropriate activities and minimizing down times can help provide children with the sense of order and stability they need to thrive.